Bug Me: Monthly Poetry Group

 

Last Friday of the month is for

Monthly Poetry Group to rhyme.

Diane, Mimi, and I take turns,

Bugs is the theme this time.

 

As usual, today I'll try,

a poem to write . . . or fudge.

Whether I'm successful or not,

you get to be the judge.  

 

Bug Me

I consider it my castle,

the place that I call home.

Invited guests only, not

a place for bugs to roam.

I cannot read or write with

flies buzzing round my head.

I find myself chasing them,

around the house instead.

Ugh spiders, they're quite stealthy,

scare the bejeezes out of me.

If Hubs isn't here to catch them,

they can have the house, I flee.

Asian beetles are deceiving,

masquerading as a lady bugs.

You're at ease until they bite you,

those insect versions of thugs.

And the deck's another problem,

food attracts the dreaded bee.

We just want to enjoy dessert,

(and to do it stinger free).

 

Mocha Latte Oatmeal Bars

Yet after a long cold winter,

what am I happy to see?

though it's true, they cannot speak,

those first bugs say spring to me.

 

Before you go, stop by these blogs for more poetry:

 

On the Border

Messymimi's Meanderings

 

Mocha Latte Oatmeal Bars

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
3/4 cup hot brewed coffee

1 TBSP powdered vanilla creamer

1 cup quick oats

1 stick butter, softened

1 stick margarine, softened

1 1/2 cups brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 cups flour

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1 cup chocolate chips, divided

1/2 cup espresso baking chips

Directions
*Stir the powdered vanilla creamer into the hot coffee. Once incorporated, mix in the quick oats. Set aside.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 X 13 baking pan.

*Cream the butter, margarine, and brown sugar. Beat in the eggs and vanilla, then the flour, baking soda, and salt.

*Beat in the coffee mixture just until incorporated, then mix in 3/4 cups chocolate chips, and the espresso chips.

*Spread into the prepared pan. Sprinkle with the remaining chocolate chips. Bake for about 35 minutes, until browned. Cool before slicing.

*OPT: serve topped with a scoop of chocolate chip ice cream.

Spam Me or Me Spam

  

 

 I'm being picked on. Insulted. Called names. Isolated. Bullied even. 

I hate spam. We all hate spam. And the worst thing about spam is that it grows like weeds. My email is clogged, spam choking the life out of all that mail box.

 

Most of it isn't even mine. Someone, somewhere, somehow, got my son's name and associated it with my email account. No way to trace how that happened, I bet professional genetic geneologists couldn't even trace the history of this one. And we all know what happened next, whoever started this nightmare capitalized on it. Yup, they sold PurDude's name and MY email address. To everyone. And, apparently, their brother. I get at least 15 solicitations a day. And they're not even for me.

 

For the record: PurDude already has car insurance, never drank water at Camp Lejeune before he was born, doesn't need a cookwear set, doesn't have bad credit, isn't interested in gadgets that "will blow your mind", does not need to replace any windows, already has a financial advisor, and is not quite ready for medicare.

 

So, spam sucks.  

And what's worse than spam? Being called spam. And I am.

Me? Little old me? Just sitting here minding my own business writing my blog. You know, sharing a story, an opinion (OK, many opinions), a joke, a poem, a recipe . . .

Mocha Patties

And when someone is kind enough to read my blog, check out my recipe, and leave a comment, letting me know they were here, and sharing a thought? I answer. Right here on the blog. It's only polite.

Or spam.

Let me tell you here, that I have comment moderation. Since I review each comment and approve of it before it goes live on my blog, there's really no need for a comment spam folder. But far be it for me to tell Google how to run their hosting site. Lately, I've been finding (and some of my friends with blogs have had the same experience) that Google has been putting the comments of long time readers into my spam folder. Not always, it's inconsistent, I can't seem to figure out the logic (does Google operate on logic?). So I check that folder a number of times a day.

I also need to mention that I respond to comments the day they are made. I approve the comment, I see it post on my blog, and I respond right then and there, noting that my own response has been published before I leave the page.

But I noticed, in the beginning of October, a response to a comment I'd made on my blog back in September was suddenly in my spam file. My own comment. From at least a week before. It had been on my blog when I published it, hadn't been in the spam folder in the week since, but suddenly it had picked up and moved.

 

 

 

Weird. A fluke.

And then it happened again. And again.

You see what's happening here, right? I'm being picked on. Insulted. Called names. Isolated. Bullied even.

 

Google is calling me spam. 

 

And what, exactly are my options? There's got to be a way to stop this misidentification, regain my good name.

 

Maybe I should contact Melania. Wasn't she supposed to be using her bully pulpit (not to be confused with her bully "husband") to stop internet bullying (seriously, how absurd is that)?

 

But, of course, that's not an option, turns out Melania was too busy destroying Jackie's rose garden.  

There has to be some way to make Google stop calling me spam.

 

Oh, I know, I'll Google it.

 

 

Mocha Patties        

                                                                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients: 

3/4 cup espresso baking chips

4 oz cream cheese, softened

1/2 tsp vanilla

2 1/4 cups powdered sugar

1 oz semi sweet chocolate

4 oz chocolate candy melts or chocolate bark

Directions:
*Melt the espresso baking chips in the microwave, at 20 second intervals, stirring in between, until smooth.

*Whisk in the cream cheese and vanilla. Mix in 1 1/2 cups of powdered sugar. Once incorporated, begin mixing the remaining 3/4 cup powdered sugar in, then move to the counter and knead until completely incorporated.

*Roll the dough into 24 evenly sized balls. Flatten between the palms of your hands, place onto a tray and refrigerate for 1 hour.

*Melt together the semi sweet chocolate and the candy melts or bark until smooth. 

*Remove the patties from the refrigerator. Place each, individually, onto a fork, dip into the melted chocolate and place on parchment paper to set.

 

Dinner Betting and Sneeze Mowing: Fly on the Wall

 

 

 

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 3 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

I'm sure you're aware that it was Halloween a few weeks ago. Hubs went downstairs to watch football and I was in the den giving out candy to the kids. About ten minutes before the game started, Hubs came upstairs.

Hubs: I'll give out candy for a while, I want to see some of the cute kids.

I sit down on the couch, and a few minutes later, the doorbell rings, Hubs jumps up, grabs the candy, and goes to the door.

Hubs (opening up the door): Trick or treat!

He hands out the candy, and comes back.

Me: I think we need to talk.

Hubs: OK.

Me: I'm not sure you get how this works.

Hubs: Huh?

Me: You're actually not the one who's supposed to say "Trick or Treat." 

 

 

 

One little boy came alone to the door. I opened the door, and in a sing song voice, he looks at me and says:

Trick or treat

give me something good to eat

or you'll have to smell my farts.

I'm thinking my husband isn't the only one who doesn't understand how this whole halloween door decorum is supposed to work.

 

Next a whole bunch of older kids came to the door, one by one I gave them candy, and one by one they wished me well.

First kid: Merry Christmas.

Second kid: Happy Thanksgiving.

Third kid: Happy Hanukkah.

Forth kid: Happy New Year.

Fifth kid: Happy . . . umm . . . happy birthday!

What happened to Happy Halloween?

 

A few things as back story. First, Hubs is semi retired, goes to work a few days a week. Second, I'd hurt my knee, so was walking as little as possible, and third, we have woodpeckers who peck holes in the siding of our house, causing about a thousand dollars of damage each year.

On Monday I could hear the woodpecker on the side of the house and, since I was babying my knee, called to Hubs, who went out and scared it off.

The next day Hubs was at work and the woodpecker was back so I had to go out there and yell at it myself.

Wednesday, Hubs was home so I once again sent him out. 

Me (as Hubs came in from outside): What is your schedule this week? Are you working tomorrow?

Hubs: I'm trying to decide.

Me: You can stay home and yell at woodpeckers.

Hubs: Well, those are words I never thought I'd hear . . .

Me: Funny, those are words I never thought I'd say.

It was a Saturday morning and we were looking forward to the Purdue football game.

 

Hubs: My prediction is that Purdue will win by 10.

Me: That's a pretty bold prediction, the teams are fairly equal.

Hubs: I still think Purdue will win by 10.

Me: How about a little wager?
Hubs: OK. What?
Me: If Purdue doesn't win by 10, you cook dinner for the rest of the month.

Hubs: No.

Me: Not so sure now, are you?
Hubs: Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure we don't want to starve to death.

 

He has a point. But we could always drink dinner . . .

 

 Cinnamon Orange Coffee

Hubs, College Boy, and I had all gotten our booster shots. I knew PurDude had an appointment, and was anxious to hear he'd gotten his.

On the day he was scheduled to go, I texted him:

Me: Did you have your shit today?

And as much as I'd like to blame autocorrect, I doubt autocorrect changed "shot" to "shit," so I'm thinking I'm going to have to own this one.

 

 

This one actually was autocorrect.

I was texting with him later in the month and telling him that Hubs' car tire had a leak. He took it to the tire place, who said they had good news and bad news.

The good news was that there was a nail in the tire and it could be patched. The bad news, when they went to take the tire off, their machine ripped the sidewall.

PurDude: Well they shouldn't be taking his tire off in the street with an excavator.
Me: Street? Excavator? Huh?

PurDude: Well, you said their machine ripped the sidewalk.

And looking back at the text, yes, that's exactly what I'd said to him.

 

 

 

I came home and noticed that College Boy was there. Walking through the kitchen, I notice something sitting on the counter that I hadn't bought:

 

 

 

And all I could think was "I really hope he's thinking of cooking something, and not, you know, hinting at his future plans."

 

I'll let you know how that goes.

 

 

 

Hard to believe that the first few days of this month Hubs had to mow the lawn one last time. Also hard to believe we were still suffering from fall allergies.

 

I was standing on the deck, talking to a friend on the phone:

 

Katy: What am I hearing?
Me: I'm out on the deck, Hubs is mowing, you hear the lawnmower.

Katy: But what's that other noise?
Me: Oh, he's sneeze mowing.

Katy: Sneeze mowing?

Me: Yeah, and that's just the first act.

Katy: First act? What's the next act?
Me: Sneeze showering.

 

Poor guy. But at least he's done. Well, until spring.

 

 

 

If there's one thing I will not stand for, it's flies in my kitchen. I cannot even think about them landing in my food. So we're pretty careful about keeping them out of the house. Not, of course, the proverbial Fly on the Wall, we're talking about the real thing here.

 

Mid November, it's usually too cold to have to worry about flies in the house, but I was preparing dinner and caught one buzzing around the food.

I shooed it away and it headed to the window by the dinner table. I grabbed a fly swatter and followed. I saw it on the floor but it was laying upside down. Do flies play dead? I nudged it with the fly swatter and, nothing.

 

Me: Decoy!

Hubs (walking into the room): What's going on?
Me: There was a fly in the kitchen when I was making dinner and I was trying to kill it.

Hubs: Looks like you did.

Me: No, this was just a decoy.

Hubs: Umm . . . decoy?

Me: Yes, damn fly tried to fool me with a decoy.

Hubs (backing carefully away): OK. Good talk . . .

 

 

 

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Menopausal Mother 

The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver

 

Cinnamon Orange Coffee        
                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (makes 2): 

3 cups brewed coffee, hot

1 tsp powdered French Vanilla creamer

1 TBSP sugar

1 TBSP speculoos (cookie butter)

3 oz orange liqueur

whipped cream

1/4 tsp cinnamon

Directions:
*Mix together the brewed coffee, creamer and sugar.

*Vigorously whisk in the speculoos and orange liqueur until completely incorporated.

*Divide into mugs, top each with whipped cream and a dash of cinnamon.

Something Squishy: Poetry Monday

 

 

 

Poetry Monday's once a week.

I bet you know which day.

I don't participate every time,

But today I've come out to play.

My friends assign each week a theme,

Something Squishy's what they chose.

Now it's up to all of us,

to put our thoughts into prose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something Squishy

 

These days my boys are young adults,

no longer on me must depend.

So quiet time, I get to spend.

 

Life could be frenetic then,

you could even find me distraught,

overwhelmed, and overwrought. 

It always seems to be the truth,

that only at my busiest times,

making dessert, doorbell chimes . . .

 

 

 

Caramel Espresso Sandwich Cookies

. . . it's then, of course, realization strikes,

what odiferous squishy diaper imparts . . .

Those sounds you heard? They were not farts. 

 

Rose colored glasses come with time,

so my mind's eye when looking back,

doesn't see frantic panic attack.

 

No, viewing pictures of their firsts,

only brings warmth, and I admit,

nostalgia gets me, quite a bit.

Everything those babies did,

made me smile and stole my heart.

Except . . . you know . . . the squishy part.

 

 

 

Wait!

Read more poetry, 

you're not through.

Some talented writers

are in this crew:

 

On the Border

Messymimi's Meanderings 

Mother Owl 

 

 

Caramel Espresso Sandwich Cookies       

                                                                                    ©www.BakingInATornado.com

 

Printable Recipe

Ingredients (makes 25 sandwich cookies:

1/2 cup espresso baking chips

1 tsp instant coffee granules

1 stick butter, softened

1 stick margarine, softened

3/4 cup sugar

3/4 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 1/2 tsp flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

 

50 rolo candies, unwrapped

 

Directions:
*In a food processor or coffee grinder, grind the espresso baking chips and instant coffee granules together to a powder.

*Cream the butter, margarine, sugars, and the ground baking chips/coffee mixture. Beat in the eggs and vanilla. Slowly and carefully beat in the flour, baking soda, and salt, to form a dough.

*Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least an hour (up to a day).

*Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, cover baking sheets with parchment paper. Cut the rolo candies in half.

*Unwrap the dough and form into 50 balls. Place on the baking sheets and press down, just slightly, with the bottom of a glass.

*Bake the cookies for 14 minutes.

*When you remove the cookies from the oven, immediately flip half of them over (still on the baking sheets), place 4 of the rolo halves on the flat side of each flipped cookie, top with the remaining cookies, flat side down.

*With a large spatula, carefully remove the cookies from the baking sheet and allow to cool completely to set.

Homer Did It: Word Counters

 

 

 

Counting my words again. 

Today my fellow Word Counters and I are sharing our monthly group post. Each month one group member picks  a number between 12 and 50. All participating bloggers are then challenged to write something (or a few somethings, as the case may be) using that exact number of words. Today we all share what we came up with. 

This month's number is 30. It was chosen by Me!

 

 

 

 

 

Most often with these Word Counters posts, I choose a theme and use my word count multiple times in keeping with the theme. This month I'm doing it a little differently, I'm telling a true story, it's a mystery. Don't worry, I'll let you know who-done-it.

~ One year ago, almost to the day, I wrote this Word Counters post: It's A Mystery. I talked, as I often do, about my love of mystery shows and novels.

 

~ I also lamented about how, as I age, there's little mystery to the homespun who-done-its around here. It's me. Today I'm sharing a story, about a recent mystery. 

 

~ I wake up earlier in the morning than I'd like to. There are things I do every morning, to open up the house and prepare for the day. First, coffee.

 

~ This day, I grabbed my coffee and started my daily routine. In the hallway, I opened the window, in the den, unplugged my laptop, in the office, opened the blinds.

~ Started a wash in the laundry room, then into the kitchen, to prep food for recipes I'd make later. Needed a sip of coffee, of course, but it was gone!

Martini Chicken

 

~ Gone? No way! I looked everywhere in that kitchen, but it was nowhere. Alright, retrace my steps. The hallway? No coffee. The laundry room? No coffee. The office? No coffee.

~ As I was leaving the office, I walked by Homer. Yes, Simpson. Although I can't claim him as a dependent on my taxes, he resides here, a squatter of sorts.

 

~When the boys were younger (a lot), they went through a Simpsons phase. But then don't we all? Somehow, at some point, they ended up with a blow-up Homer.

 

~ Was it maybe a freebee associated with a Simpsons movie? Anyway, the boys put him in the office on a counter stool, and there he's resided. For like fifteen years. 

~ Was Homer in a bad mood? Woke up on the wrong side of the chair, thought he'd enjoy watching my frantic search?

Or, like me, maybe Homer just needed coffee.

 

 

Here are links to the 

other Word Counters posts:

On the Border 

Messymimi’s Meanderings 

Martini Chicken        
                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 box (12 oz) rigatoni

1 TBSP olive oil 

2 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, chopped

1/4 cup onion, chopped

3/4 tsp salt 

1/2 tsp pepper 

3 TBSP gin

2 TBSP vermouth (can substitute dry white wine)

1/3 cup lemon lime soda

1 can (12 oz) evaporated milk 

1/2 tsp lemon zest

1 cup pimento stuffed green olives, drained

 

Directions:

*In a large pot, cook the rigatoni to al dente. Drain and keep warm.

*Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the chicken and the onion, sprinkle with the salt and pepper. Cook and stir until the chicken is cooked through.

*Once the chicken is cooked, add the gin, vermouth, and soda to the pan. Bring to a boil and allow to boil for 2 minutes.

*Add the evaporated milk and lemon zest. Return to a boil, lower the heat slightly and simmer, stirring gently, for 5 minutes. Add the pasta and olives. Gently stir for 1 more minute.