Not in Kansas Any More: Funny Friday

Today’s post is this month’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.

Here's today's picture. It was submitted by me.

1. Passenger: Bobby Joe, I think we took a wrong turn somewhere.
Driver: Yeah, looks like we're not in Kansas any more.

2. Driver (to himself): Jeez, when dad said it was a dry season out in the alfalfa fields, he wasn't kidding.

3. Woman on vacation from Iowa walking the beach with her friend: See, Susan, I told you he was stalking me.

NOTE: Although I've said this in jest, stalking, true stalking, is not a joke, it's dangerous. If you need help, reach out and get it.

4. Little child on the second day of his vacation to his mom: See mom, I told you they go out in the morning and hide shells. It's just like Easter eggs.

5. trump (angrily, to his cabinet): I was talking about fires. I said to sweep the forests, not the beaches.



 And now for something yummy:

Refrigerator Whipped Peach Pie

Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:

Spatulas on Parade 
Follow Me Home 

Refrigerator Whipped Peach Pie

                                                                          ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs

1 tsp sugar

4 TBSP butter, melted

2 cups heavy cream

1 package (3 oz) peach jello

1/4 cup peach preserves

1/2 to 3/4 of a peach, pitted, skinned and chopped (can slice the rest for garnish)

Directions:

*Mix together the graham cracker crumbs, sugar and melted butter. Press into the bottom and up the sides of a 9 inch pie plate.

*Beat the heavy cream and jello granules until soft peaks form. While that is beating, whisk together the peach preserves and 1 TBSP water until smooth. 

*Add the peach preserves to the heavy cream and beat until stiff peaks hold. Remove about 1/3 of a cup of the whipped cream, seal in a sandwich bag and store in the fridge for the garnish.
*Gently fold the chopped peach into the remaining whipped cream.

*Pour into the crust, smooth so it's even and refrigerate for at least 2 hours. Garnish with reserved whipped cream and/or peach slices if desired. 

Counting Words, Just Because

Today is National Just Because Day. Why, you ask. I'm guessing just because. The celebratory instructions, as per the internet, are simple. Do something for no rhyme or reason. Easy for me, that's pretty much how I live many days. Not on purpose, but you know how that goes. One thing leads to another and the next thing you know, you're counting the chocolate chips left in the bag.

Of course I thought about how I might celebrate this day through blogging. And as usual, I decided to drag a few friends along with me.

Here's what I decided, we'd talk about anything we want. Where's the challenge in that? We'd do it using an exact word count given to us by another blogger. So I gave a blogger a number, that's her word count for her post, and another blogger gave me a number, that's going to be my word count. Got it? No? Too confusing? Just play along, OK?

I was assigned the number 43, by Diane of On the Border. So here's what you need to know, in 43 words. Three different times, actually.

About what I'm currently cooking: 

Sweet Chili Pork Kabobs are delish. I was looking for something to make with a pork tenderloin and started rummaging through the fridge and pantry. Sweet Chili Sauce. Garlic, of course. What else? Oh, there's Balsamic Vinegar. I'll marinate, skewer and grill. Perfect!

Sweet Chili Pork Kabobs

About my current thoughts:

Allergies should be outlawed. I love opening the windows, but am stuck with air conditioning because open windows makes my nose run. Nonstop. And bringing my gorgeous lilacs into the house in the Spring causes headaches. Who do I need to talk to?

About the current holiday:

Celebrate "Just Because" today,

seems it's a national holiday.

"Celebrate with me" I say,

To blogging friends, my favorite prey.

Join me, once again they did.

Well, a few actually hid. 

Worked with limited words amid,

Friends assigned their own word count lid.

 

You counted my words, didn't you? All three times, right?

 

Click on the links below to see how other bloggers did with their word counts:

Sarah of Sarah Nolan shares Counting Words: A Little Diddy.

Dawn of Spatulas on Parade shares Short Sweet and to the Point. 
Diane of On the Border shares Seventeen Seventeens. 

Sweet Chili Pork Kabobs        
                                         ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 1/2# pork tenderloin
1 green pepper
1/4 of a red onion 
1 summer squash
about a cup of snap peas
1/2 cup sweet chili sauce
3 cloves minced garlic
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1 cup pineapple cubes

Directions:
*Trim the pork tenderloin, then cut into bite sized pieces and place in a resealable bag.
*Seed the green pepper and cut into chunks. Peel the onion, separate the scales and cut into pieces. Cut the ends off of the squash and cut into about 1/2 inch slices. Trim the stem end and remove the string of the snap peas. Place all in a resealable bag.
*Whisk together the sweet chili sauce, garlic and balsamic vinegar. Put half of this sauce into each of the bags. Gently manipulate the ingredients to be sure all are covered with the sauce. Seal and refrigerate, turning now and then, overnight.
*NOTE: I use metal skewers. If you use wooden ones, soak in water for a few hours before using.
*Thread the pork chunks onto skewers. Thread the vegetable chunks and pineapple cubes onto other skewers.
*Preheat your grill to hot (about 450 degrees). Place the skewers on the grill and immediately lower the temperature to medium. Cook, turning now and then, for about 20 minutes or until the pork is cooked through. To serve, remove from skewers carefully.

Chokeberries and Old Lady Rain Hats: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a monthly Fly on the Wall group post. Today 5 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house. At the end of my post you’ll find links to this month’s other participants’ posts.

Me: The appliances are revolting against me.
Hubs: Huh?
Me: Every time I close the washing machine now it locks itself. And the dishwasher used to chime when it was done but now it doesn't and I have to keep checking it.
Hubs: Well, it must be something you're pressing.
Me: It's not. I didn't do it.
Hubs: I don't know how else it could have happened.
Me: I know.
Hubs: Okay??
Me: It's the boys. They come into the house while I'm sleeping and press all the buttons on all the appliances just to screw with me.
Hubs (laughing): Yes, I'm sure that's it.
Me: Go buy me a nanny cam.
Hubs: {{blink, blink}}

Hubs comes upstairs and sees me closing the front door and yelling.

Me: Stop that banging. Go away.
Hubs: Wow, I really hope that wasn't a neighbor.
Me: Birds.
Hubs: Excuse me?
Me: It was birds.
Hubs: Birds?
Me: There were 2 Swallows flying around under the portico and banging into the window over the door.
Hubs: So we'll still get invited to the neighborhood block party?
Me: As long as it's not being hosted by angry birds.
Hubs: We may be safe with the neighbors, but I'd cover my head when I go outside if I were you. Those angry birds have been eating the chokeberries out back.
Me: Did you come upstairs because you're going out?
Hubs: Yes, do you need something?
Me: Yeah, one of those old lady plastic rain hats.  
Hubs: Done!

I've talked before about the fact that as I age, my eye sight isn't what it used to be. The other day Hubs and I were watching the Red Sox. They were playing their long time rivals, the Yankees.

Me: What the hell does that mean?
Hubs: What? 
Me: That sign behind the batters. It's an ad for Dunkin Donuts' frozen drinks. It says "cool relief for hot ovaries". What does that mean?
Hubs: Put your glasses on. Rivalries. It says "cool relief for hot rivalries".
Me: Oh, well that makes a lot more sense.

There were 2 giant bees living somewhere near one of the flower pots on the front porch. I wrote about them, complete with picture in a post last month called Suckdom is for Mondays.

We had reached a fragile detente, of late. I would gingerly tiptoe out front at about 9 am and water the flowers in that pot and they would buzz back and forth keeping an eye on me but keeping their stingers to themselves (so far, anyway).
 
Late one morning, Hubs looked out the window in the kitchen (on the back of our house) and saw a giant bee buzzing up against the window.

Hubs: Do we have them out back now too?
Me: No, it's probably one of the ones from out front. I'm late watering the front flowers, he's probably just looking for me. 

Hubs just rolls his eyes and walks away.

Me (exasperated and mumbling under my breath): My friend Dawn has squirrels who come to her yard looking for her every day. I've got bees. Perfect. Just perfect.

Hubs (checking the mail): What is this check sent to me for 44 cents?
Me: Don't ask.
Hubs: Are you going to cash it?
Me: Well, I'm not rushing off to the bank with it.
Hubs: I'll have to sign it.
Me: No you don't.
Hubs: It's made out to me, I have to sign it if either one of us is eventually going to take it to the bank.
Me: Let me tell you something, if you ever try to put a check into the bank that you signed, you'll probably get arrested.
Hubs (laughing): Why, 'cause you always just sign my name?
Me: Yup. But seriously, you may as well go ahead and sign it.
Hubs: No way, I don't want to get arrested.
Me: If you do, I have 44 cents for bail . . .

Pineapple and Corn Salsa

served with my Shrimp Enchiladas

Hubs (walking into the room): What's for dinner?
Me (looking up from my iPad): Roly Polies.
Hubs: What?
Me: Roly Polies.
Hubs: The bugs?
Me: Yes, I was just reading that they're actually crustaceans, taste like shrimp. And way cheaper, I just need to go out back.
Hubs: You're kidding, right?
Me: Would I kid you?
Hubs: I don't know, but I damn well hope so. 

What did I make for dinner? Shrimp. The real ones. And believe me, Hubs double checked. Right after he hid my iPad.

Another night . . .

Hubs: I'm tired. 
Me: I'm retired. 
Hubs: Retired?
Me: Yeah, I was tired, now I'm tired again, retired.
Hubs: This is your way of letting me know I'm bringing in take out for dinner, right?
Me: I think you're starting to figure me out.
Hubs: And an added bonus, it's better than bugs.

As anyone who reads this blog and especially my Fly on the Wall posts knows, I'm a major Boston sports fan. Especially the Red Sox. When I was growing up, my grandpa's company had box seats right by the dugout along the first base line. I didn't get to use them often, but those time that I did solidified my love of Red Sox baseball. Just like my grandpa.

This year, however, it's been really tough to be a Red Sox fan. I still love them, always will, but they suck. It's especially disappointing since they are the current World Series champions and to a great extent have the same team they had last year. 

I live in the Midwest so I don't have any local channel that shows all of the games. The MLB network shows some, but a lot of the time I have to stream them from my laptop onto the TV. I don't do it all the time any more though, it's too painful.

Hubs walks in late from work and sees me sitting in front of the TV in the den.

Hubs: Are you streaming the Red Sox tonight?
Me: Do I look like I'm crying?
Hubs: No.
Me: Then no.

I've talked a lot about how frustrated I am with companies and the fact that there's no such thing as customer service any more. I've had multiple issues with our cable company, Amazon, and our local newspaper.

I'd canceled the newspaper (I was getting Sunday only) because every time I got a bill in the mail they were either raising my rates or adding inane charges. I don't need the paper for anything so I canceled.

A rep came to my door and listened patiently to my complaints and in the end talked me into signing back up at a great rate with promised no added charges for one year. A lot happened after that, cut to the chase, I objected to them adding, to the very first bill, a charge for sending me a bill and I canceled for the last time. 

Two weeks later Hubs hands me the mail. There's a letter from the newspaper company saying how much they want me back.

Me: So they lost me because they charged me for sending me mail. 
Hubs: Yes.
Me: And then they sent me mail for free.
Hubs: Yup, pretty much. 
Me: Great business model.

It's no big secret that people's minds work differently. There are times when I have no idea how Hubs' mind works, or even if it is. In his defense, I'm positive he feels the same way about me.

Hubs' 50 inch TV from down in the man cave wasn't working. I wrote about it in my post Mondays are for Suckdom. Anyway, he took it to a dinosaur, one of the last TV repairmen still in business. I expected it to be fixable because it's not quite 4 years old. A week later he called from work.

Hubs: Bad news on the TV. 
Me: OK?
Hubs: The mother board is gone, it's not worth fixing, would be around $600.
Me: That sucks.
Hubs: I'm going to pick it up from the repair man, then I'll be home.
Me: Why pick that huge thing up?
Hubs: I'm going to hook it up and try turning it on one more time.
Me: And you think that will work.
Hubs: It could.
Me: Could it though?
Hubs: It's worth a try.
Me: Is it though?
Hubs: Yes, I'm on my way to pick it up.
Me: OK, I wish you luck.

Now click on the links below for a peek into some other homes:

Never Ever Give Up Hope  
Menopausal Mother 
Spatulas on Parade
Go Mama O 

Pineapple and Corn Salsa Fresco

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 ear of corn, cooked, cooled
1 jalapeno, seeded, diced
1/4 red pepper, seeded, diced
1 green onion, chopped
1 1/2 cups fresh pineapple, peeled, cored, chopped
2 TBSP chopped cilantro
2 TBSP lime juice
1 tsp pineapple juice
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp cumin

OPT: serve with tortilla chips or over grilled fish, chicken or with enchiladas

Directions:
*Cut the corn from the cob and place in a bowl. Discard the cob.
*Add the jalapeno, red pepper, green onion, pineapple and cilantro to the corn.
*Whisk together the lime juice, pineapple juice, salt, pepper and cumin. Pour into the bowl and mix well.
*Cover and refrigerate for at least an hour, mixing once or twice.