Better Held than Boiled

 

My mom served tongue for dinner once. It actually served more as a traumatic event than a meal.

 

Not just tongue, but when it comes to organ meats, I don't eat them at all. There was a time when holidays included Nana's chicken liver, which I did like in small amounts. But Nana's been gone a long time ליה השלום and at this point I eat none: livers, hearts, brains, intestines . . . even the thought of haggis makes me gag. 

 

To me, all offal, is awful. 

 

I still cringe at the memory of that tongue. I mean, that thing looked like a tongue. Little taste bud bumps and all.

 

Now I know tongue is a good source of zinc, iron, and vitamin B12. I know that when preparing, many chefs remove the section where the tongue attaches to the bottom of the mouth, and I'm also aware that, possibly to make it more palatable, once cooked, some will peel back the skin before slicing. 

 

None of which helps.

 

 

 

 

It can be boiled, braised, pickled, roasted, smoked, salted, brined, sauteed, prepared (and disguised in a myriad of ways.

 

I've heard that tongue, or Lengua, is a popular taco filling. 

Still no.

 

And I've seen it ordered in the deli: sliced, on marble rye, with Swiss cheese, hot mustard, and slaw. I'll take that please, just replace the tongue with corned beef.

So . . .

I was in the grocery store the other day, happily making my selections, planning out my meals (and treats) for both the rest of the year, and New Year's Eve and Day.

Apple Walnut Creme au Pain

 

I went to check out and one of my items didn't ring up at the sale price. As the cashier was trying to figure out why, there was a guy putting his groceries up to check out after me. 

Unfortunately, the cashier couldn't get the correct price to come up and had to call for a manager. Just as she was finishing adjusting the price, the man who had been behind me walked up, I guess he'd gone to get something else.

"Are you finally done?" he asked. I could tell he was joking, and I turned to him, smiled and said "sorry, that's on me, I had to pick the one item that didn't ring up right." He laughed, the cashier laughed, the manager laughed, a pleasant meaningless supermarket interaction.

As I was leaving, the man turned to the cashier:

Customer: You have no dark brown sugar.

Cashier: Oh?
Customer (loudly): Yes, only light brown. THANKS, BIDEN.

 

Which is how I found myself walking out of a grocery store . . . holding my tongue.

Apple Walnut Creme au Pain       

                                                                                      ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
1 box (16 oz) frozen French toast sticks, defrosted

1 loaf (16 oz) cinnamon bread

2/3 cup chopped walnuts

3 medium Cosmic Crisp apples (or apples of your choice)

4 TBSP butter

1/3 cup brown sugar

1/2 tsp cinnamon 

1/4 tsp apple pie spice

8 eggs

1/4 cup Mascarpone 

2/3 cup milk

 

OPT: serve sprinkled with powdered sugar, drizzled with caramel sauce, topped with whipped cream or topped with ice cream

 

Directions:

*Grease a 9 X 13 baking pan.

*Cut the French toast sticks into thirds and place in a large bowl. Chop the cinnamon bread and mix with the French toast sticks. Mix in the walnuts.

*Core, peel, and chop the apples. Melt the butter in a saute pan over medium heat. Add the apples, brown sugar, cinnamon, and apple pie spice. Cook, stirring now and then, until the apples start to soften, about 15 minutes.

*Add the apple mixture to the large bowl with the bread and walnuts and mix well. 

*Pour into the prepared pan and arrange so it's evenly dispersed.

*Whisk together the eggs, Mascarpone, eggnog (or half and half), and the milk. Pour evenly over the bread mixture in the pan. Cover tightly with tin foil and refrigerate for at least 6 hours.

*One hour before cooking, move the pan to the counter.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake, covered, for 50 minutes. Uncover and bake another 10 minutes. Allow to sit for 5 minutes before serving.

*OPT: serve sprinkled with powdered sugar, drizzled with caramel sauce, topped with whipped cream or topped with ice cream.

The Coffee DMZ

There is one day a year that I am just miserable. Well, there's probably more than one, but those are individual stories for another day (or not). But there is one that I can bank on, it's Yom Kippur. It comes in the fall, at the time of the Jewish New Year, and is a very solemn holiday, a day when we pray to be included in the "book of life" for the coming year. We think, we pray, and we fast.

I bet you've decided that I'm miserable because of the fast. Nope. Actually, my family and I do quite well with it. It's the coffee. I do not do well (actually, I don't "do" at all) without coffee. I'm addicted and no intervention is going to cure me. I need it to function and yes, I know that all addicts say that but there it is, it's true. 

For many of us, there is a line to be drawn in the day, every day, between pre-coffee and post-coffee. I, most assuredly am one of those many. With that in mind, if you want to be my friend (you do, don't you), here are some things you need to know.

  Eight things that cannot happen before coffee:

~ Say "good morning" to me. If you are a morning person, you cannot be my friend. Or family. Or acquaintance, neighbor, or anything else. You are an anomaly that I have no desire to resolve. Yeah, Grumpy Cat (rest in peace) had nothing on me.

~ Ring my doorbell. Separate from my first point, this is not just because I'm grumpy, but for your own good. If you don't want to see me with my pajama top hanging off one shoulder, hair looking like I stuck my finger in a socket, one eye open and mascara gluing the other shut, frantically looking for door opening directions, just don't do it.

~ Let me try to work out a new recipe. Been there, done that with this one before, woke up with a genius recipe idea, jot it down and then later (post coffee), as I'm deleting, wonder why the hell I thought Nutella and lime juice would go well in macaroni and cheese. Well, unless you're looking for a home made version of Ipecac Syrup. And I'm not.

This recipe, btw, completely developed after a few good cups of joe:

Macaroni Dinner Salad
served with
Blueberry Lime Bread

~ Tell me bad news of any kind. I'm like a deer in the headlights, completely paralyzed, not a single idea of what to say or do, not even sure I'd heard what (it later turns out) I had, in fact, heard. Even PurDude, when he broke his leg in college (and was himself in agony), knew to wait till he was sure I'd had my coffee before calling with the news.

~ Make plans. Whether it's for that day or another, truth is, even if I do remember it later I'll think it was a dream.

~ Let me anywhere near keys. Car keys specifically, but for the safety of all, any keys really is a good general rule. 'Nuff said.

~ Allow medical commercials on TV. There should be a law dictating the time of day for these things. I mean, I turn on the TV so I can watch the news, but until I've got that first cup in me, do not even think about advertising meds with these (among other) side effects: explosive diarrhea, abnormal ejaculation, vaginal twitching, bloody discharge . . . I'd like that coffee to stay down, thank you. And believe me, so would those around me.

~ Assume I have any working brain cells. I don't. But if you wait a few minutes, I know where they are, and I'm about to them.

Hello, my name is Karen and 364 days a year I'm a coffee addict. And that other day? You'd best steer clear. 

Macaroni Dinner Salad        
                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:
2 cups macaroni noodles

3/4 cup cooked chicken, cubed
1/2 cup cooked ham, cubed
2 hard boiled eggs, chopped
1 carrot, peeled into strips with a potato peeler
1 green onion, chopped

1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 TBSP white wine vinegar
2 tsp stone ground mustard
4 tsp sweet pickle relish
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp celery salt
1/4 tsp pepper

Directions:
*Cook the macaroni to al dente. Drain and rinse in cold water multiple times to stop the cooking process. Place in a large bowl in the refrigerator.
*Whisk together the mayonnaise, white wine vinegar, mustard, relish, salt, celery salt and pepper. Refrigerate.
*Once the noodles are completely cold, add the chicken, ham, eggs, carrot and green onion to the bowl and gently mix. Last, add the dressing and gently mix again.
*Cover and refrigerate for a few hours to overnight. Mix every now and then.