Tuesday, May 28, 2019

The Coffee DMZ

There is one day a year that I am just miserable. Well, there's probably more than one, but those are individual stories for another day (or not). But there is one that I can bank on, it's Yom Kippur. It comes in the fall, at the time of the Jewish New Year, and is a very solemn holiday, a day when we pray to be included in the "book of life" for the coming year. We think, we pray, and we fast.

I bet you've decided that I'm miserable because of the fast. Nope. Actually, my family and I do quite well with it. It's the coffee. I do not do well (actually, I don't "do" at all) without coffee. I'm addicted and no intervention is going to cure me. I need it to function and yes, I know that all addicts say that but there it is, it's true. 

Coffee, on the "before" and "after" line of every day | Graphic designed by and property of www.BakingInATornado.com | #humor #coffee

For many of us, there is a line to be drawn in the day, every day, between pre-coffee and post-coffee. I, most assuredly am one of those many. With that in mind, if you want to be my friend (you do, don't you), here are some things you need to know.

  Eight things that cannot happen before coffee:

~ Say "good morning" to me. If you are a morning person, you cannot be my friend. Or family. Or acquaintance, neighbor, or anything else. You are an anomaly that I have no desire to resolve. Yeah, Grumpy Cat (rest in peace) had nothing on me.

~ Ring my doorbell. Separate from my first point, this is not just because I'm grumpy, but for your own good. If you don't want to see me with my pajama top hanging off one shoulder, hair looking like I stuck my finger in a socket, one eye open and mascara gluing the other shut, frantically looking for door opening directions, just don't do it.

~ Let me try to work out a new recipe. Been there, done that with this one before, woke up with a genius recipe idea, jot it down and then later (post coffee), as I'm deleting, wonder why the hell I thought Nutella and lime juice would go well in macaroni and cheese. Well, unless you're looking for a home made version of Ipecac Syrup. And I'm not.

This recipe, btw, completely developed after a few good cups of joe:
Macaroni Dinner Salad. Macaroni salad? Chicken salad? Ham salad? Egg salad? Marry them all into one main dish for a delicious lunch or dinner. | Recipe developed by www.BakingInATornado.com | #recipe #cook

Macaroni Dinner Salad
served with
Blueberry Lime Bread

~ Tell me bad news of any kind. I'm like a deer in the headlights, completely paralyzed, not a single idea of what to say or do, not even sure I'd heard what (it later turns out) I had, in fact, heard. Even PurDude, when he broke his leg in college (and was himself in agony), knew to wait till he was sure I'd had my coffee before calling with the news.

~ Make plans. Whether it's for that day or another, truth is, even if I do remember it later I'll think it was a dream.

~ Let me anywhere near keys. Car keys specifically, but for the safety of all, any keys really is a good general rule. 'Nuff said.

~ Allow medical commercials on TV. There should be a law dictating the time of day for these things. I mean, I turn on the TV so I can watch the news, but until I've got that first cup in me, do not even think about advertising meds with these (among other) side effects: explosive diarrhea, abnormal ejaculation, vaginal twitching, bloody discharge . . . I'd like that coffee to stay down, thank you. And believe me, so would those around me.

~ Assume I have any working brain cells. I don't. But if you wait a few minutes, I know where they are, and I'm about to them.

Hello, my name is Karen and 364 days a year I'm a coffee addict. And that other day? You'd best steer clear. 

Baking In A Tornado signature | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Macaroni Dinner Salad        

Printable Recipe

2 cups macaroni noodles

3/4 cup cooked chicken, cubed
1/2 cup cooked ham, cubed
2 hard boiled eggs, chopped
1 carrot, peeled into strips with a potato peeler
1 green onion, chopped

1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 TBSP white wine vinegar
2 tsp stone ground mustard
4 tsp sweet pickle relish
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp celery salt
1/4 tsp pepper

*Cook the macaroni to al dente. Drain and rinse in cold water multiple times to stop the cooking process. Place in a large bowl in the refrigerator.
*Whisk together the mayonnaise, white wine vinegar, mustard, relish, salt, celery salt and pepper. Refrigerate.
*Once the noodles are completely cold, add the chicken, ham, eggs, carrot and green onion to the bowl and gently mix. Last, add the dressing and gently mix again.
*Cover and refrigerate for a few hours to overnight. Mix every now and then.


  1. I'm totally with you on the coffee addiction. If it is not at the start of my day, it's just not going to go well for me (or anyone else!)

  2. I love the taste, the smell, everything about coffee. 25 years ago I switched to decaf only under strict doctor directions.For 10 days I had headaches and irritability and yes my family scattered! When I travel to Europe I still find it hard to get good decaf so when in Rome..... Then I don't sleep well and have heart palpitations and when I come home I am on withdrawal!! When I went through chemotherapy my coffee tasted like metal for 2 out of 3 weeks. It was one of the worst things about my cancer treatments! The irony is not lost on me about your coffee abstinence and ham in the recipe!

  3. I am not a fan of coffee (don't hate me) I have to have my sweet tea! I am love with this macaroni salad! Can't wait to give it a try.

    1. I don't hate you. Feel sorry for you, but don't hate you.
      And, not being a southerner, I don't think I've ever even had sweet tea.

  4. Recently a doctor recommended I try going without coffee, or moving to half-caf. I decided that at this time I can't make the change. I have two cups of coffee each day-one in the morning and one mid-afternoon. They used to be mug-sized, but I've cut back to 8-ounce cups.

    1. That's a start. I could try half-caf for one of my cups. I guess, like you, U'd have to do it in baby steps.

  5. Not a coffee person here, I can't stand the taste or the smell of it. I do like my Pepsi Max though

    1. I'm finding that even my friends who don't drink coffee, still have a favorite morning drink of some kind.

  6. I didn't drink coffee for perhaps the first forty years of my life. Now, I can't start my day without it. Come to think of it, though, in my younger years, I drank cola drinks - which is probably why I'm on the edge of osteoporosis. Ah well, the ham isn't a problem for me but - macaroni noodles? Had to look that one up. OK, elbow macaroni is what we call it. Like in the picture. You'd think I could figure it out without the Google machine. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

    1. You couldn't tell what noodles those were from the recipe and the picture? Hope all that cola didn't affect your eyes too, LOL.


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