Counting Teeth and Traveling Toilets: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, Sarah, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

I knew I was going to use the grill for dinner, so I went out in the morning to uncover it. I hadn't yet dressed, was only wearing a long t-shirt and my underwear, but it was really early so I didn't think twice.

The ties on the grill cover are really low. I bent down to undo one side, then went over to do the other. When I stood back up, I was mortified.

Hubs saw me coming back into the kitchen.

Hubs: What were you doing out on the deck so early?

Me: Apparently, mooning the neighbors.

And now I won't be leaving the house anytime soon. Or ever.

College boy has a day job and a side gig. The day job really was a toxic environment. He had been there over 2 years, but one day he'd just had enough and gave his notice. They tried to get him to stay, but he was done.

Within a week he had 3 offers, and we were going through the pros and cons, talking it through with him as he made his choice. We talked about the companies, the culture, the pay, and the position itself.

We were also talking about the dress codes, some companies more casual than others.

College Boy (referring to one of the companies, a drug company): Well, I won't have to worry about what I wear there, they said that they'll provide a full body hazmat suit.

Me: That one's a NO.

College Boy: But . . .

Me (interrupting him): No, nope, that's a HARD no.

I probably don't need to tell you that we're into the height of pothole season. And Hubs? He hits every single one.

We were out on a Saturday afternoon when Hubs hit what felt like a meteor crater.

Me: Oof.

Hubs: You OK?

Me (with my fingers in my mouth): mgfffthf.

Hubs (looking at me): What are you doing?
Me: Counting my teeth.

I was sitting out on my front porch when I saw this woman walk by. She was holding a rope that was attached to a tricycle that was trailing right behind her. 

And I spent the rest of the day wondering how long it was going to take her to turn around and realize that somewhere along the way she lost the kid.

College Boy had asked if he could store some stuff in our garage. I agreed that he could have one large box, but I don't want him filling that whole third garage with junk. And PurDude parks there, so when he comes to visit, he'll need to move that stuff out or to one of the storage rooms in the basement.

I was on my way out to do an errand when I saw that his box was piled high, with more stuff behind and beside it. I wasn't happy.

I was at the drug store waiting in line to pay, when he apparently had seen my car out front and came in. As he was walking towards me, I looked up:

Me (angrily): You're out of your box.

College Boy: Sorry, I'll head home.

Woman in line behind me (looking back and forth between College Boy and I) to College Boy, angrily: She keeps you in a box?

Me: Well, where do you keep your grown children?

Lemon Strawberry Refrigerator Bars

There's a page that often ends up in my FB feed that promotes unique ideas and solutions for everyday occurrences. Many of them are fascinating, or helpful. But often they're what I would call way too far off the deep end.

This one at first had me cringing, but honestly, I've been laughing ever since.

Apparently it's a genius idea for how to eat your snacks on a plane? 

Ummm, yeah, I'm gonna take a hard pass on wearing a toilet.

I've mentioned before that a few times a year, PurDude and his college friends, now scattered across the country, plan a vacation together. Mostly it's within the states, but the last one was to Japan.

My son knows that I like to have his itinerary whenever he travels. This month they were going to Seattle. A few days before leaving, he texted me:

PurDude: Here's my flight information, Mom, I leave the day after tomorrow.

Me: Can't wait to hear about the trip, are you packed?

PurDude (who does nothing in advance): No, not yet.

Me: Not surprised. Looks like it's a long fight, don't forget to bring your toilet seat on the plane.

PurDude: My toilet seat?

Me: In case you want to have a snack on the plane.

PurDude: I think you need your meds adjusted.

Me: Maybe . . .

 

Speaking of toilets. Found this cereal on the Walmart website, and I just want to say . . . well, I actually don't know what to say.

I do have a lot of questions, though.

It always surprises me when people use words just for emphasis without any thought to what they mean.

I was watching a true crime show where a woman was confronting her husband about rumors she'd heard about him cheating with a woman about half his age.

Cheater (to his wife): You think I'm cheating? With her? She's literally 100 years younger than me.

I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand the concept of "literally." 

Seriously!

The fly was witness to some sadness this month too.

I enjoy all of the friendships I've made via this blog and the social media accounts I've created in support of my writing. One of those long time virtual friends is Barb. She interacts on my Baking In A Tornado FB page daily. We're friends on our private FB accounts too, our politics and social justice views align perfectly.

I hadn't heard from her for a few days, so I sent her a PM, just checking in to be sure she was OK. Her grandson answered. She wasn't.

The next morning, I shared a post on the Baking In A Tornado page. I was careful neither to tag her page, or even to mention her last name. I didn't want to step on the family's toes.

So I shared this graphic 

and said:

"Heartbroken today after a PM conversation last night with the grandson of a woman who had been so active on this page for years. We traded silly poems every day as she responded with her own funny rhymes to all of my Connections poems. I've SO enjoyed her sharp wit, intelligence, social stance, and fun word pay. I never met her, but I will miss Barb so much. My heart goes out to her family."

That day, my post was reacted to and commented on by member of my FB page community, many people who knew Barb via interactions there. 

The second day more people reacted. When I looked at the list of names, I jolted.

Barb.

I don't know who in her family saw my post, or how they saw it, but they used her account to "like" it. After I got over the initial shock, I had a wave of sadness. 

But in the end, I smiled.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border 

What TF Sarah

Lemon Strawberry Refrigerator Bars

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

14 lemon creme sandwich cookies, divided

14 strawberry creme sandwich cookies, divided

2 TBSP butter, chopped

1 box (3 oz) strawberry jello mix

1 box (3.4 oz) instant lemon pudding mix

OPT: 2 drops yellow food coloring

1 3/4 cups milk

1 (8 oz) package cream cheese, room temperature

3/4 cup powdered sugar, divided

3/4 cup heavy cream

OPT: lemon peel twists and a halved strawberry for garnish

Directions

*Grease an 8 X 11 baking dish.

*In a food processor, crush 6 of each of the cookie to crumbs. Set aside.

*Crush the remaining cookies with the butter until it holds together when pinched with your fingers. Press into the bottom of the baking dish. Refrigerate.

*Boil 1 cup of water. Add the strawberry jello mix and stir to dissolve. Refrigerate.

*Whisk the lemon pudding mix with the milk (and yellow food coloring, if desired) for 2 minutes. Set aside.

*Beat the cream cheese and 1/2 cup of the powdered sugar until smooth. Beat in 1 1/4 cups of the pudding.

*Separately, beat the heavy cream with the remaining powdered sugar until stiff peaks hold. Fold 1 cup of the whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture. Spread over the cookies in the baking pan, sprinkle with about 2/3 of the reserved cookie crumbs, and refrigerate for 15 minutes. 

*Remove 1/4 cup of the whipped cream and refrigerate. Fold the remaining whipped cream into the remaining lemon pudding and refrigerate separately.

*Once the lemon layer is set, whisk the reserved 1/4 cup of whipped cream into the jello. Pour evenly over the lemon layer and refrigerate for 10 minutes.

*Remove the remaining whipped cream and pudding mix from the refrigerator and spread over the jello layer. Top with the rest of the reserved cookie crumbs (and lemon peel curls and strawberry halves, if desired). Refrigerate for at least 3 hours before slicing, but overnight is best. Cover and refrigerate any leftovers. 

Tighty Righty Whities: Fly on the Wall

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

I know I've mentioned about a million times over the years that I'm a lifetime Red Sox fan. I've also mentioned that PurDude buys us a season subscription to all the games each year. 

Mostly, it's made me so happy. Last year not so much, and this year seems to be setting up to be a repeat of last year {{sob}}.

But I keep watching. Every game.

Hubs and I are just settling in for a Saturday afternoon game.

Me: Know what the definition of insanity is?

Hubs: What?
Me: Watching the Red Sox play game after game, and expecting a different result.

Hubs: Funny. Sad, but funny.

Me: You know what that makes us?

Hubs: Certifiable?

Me: I prefer happily delusional.

Hubs: That works too.

So . . . we were watching a game, the Red Sox were actually getting runners on the bases (yay!) but couldn't bring them home (boo!).

Later in the game, there were runners on base, and the batter got a hit, actually scoring two runs. But the batter twisted all the way to the side almost in a full circle when he hit the ball, and the announcers said something about it looking like a break in his back.

Me: OMG!!!

Hubs: Worth it.

Me: A broken back? What kind of a person are you?

Hubs: Ummm, bat. Not back, bat.

Me (said in my best Gilda Radner, Emily Litella voice): Nevermind.  

Hubs is driving down the street on his way home when he sees me running towards him, about 1/2 mile up the street.

Hubs (pulling over and yelling out the window): What's wrong?

Me (out of breath): There's a hornet in the house. There's a hornet in the house.

Hubs: Where are you going?
Me (still running): Anywhere.

Hubs and I had been talking about the price of groceries. Some items seem to be coming down in price, but many are still way higher than they should be (like eggs and vegetables), and others seem to fluctuate on a day by day basis.

The next day, Hubs comes up to the bedroom:

Hubs: What's on the kitchen table?
Me: What do you mean?
Hubs: I was just in the kitchen and there's a plastic cup on the table with something in there.

Me: Oh, that. I'm growing scallions.

Hubs: You are? That's great. So we can lower our grocery bill?

Me: Yes, about 81 cents. With all that money we're saving, maybe we can start looking at bigger houses.

A few days later, I'd been making salmon and when I went to transfer it to a platter, a piece broke off and fell into a glass I'd been drinking from. Seriously frustrated, I set the glass aside.

Hubs comes into the kitchen:

Hubs (looking into the glass with a quizzical expression): What are you growing here?

Me: Salmon, should save us a whole lot of money.

Hubs: You can't do that.

Me: Yes, I'm aware.

Hubs: So what are you doing?

Me: It's a new recipe I'm trying. Salmon Under Glass.

Hubs: Oh, so we're having salmon for dinner tonight?

Me: No, shrimp.

Hubs: Then when is the salmon for?

Me: The next time we have a fight.

Kung Pao Shimp

with Take-Out Style Brown Rice

We'd had a long stretch of April showers that instead of bringing May flowers, brought May (more) showers. Our sump pump in the basement was petitioning for overtime pay. 

I was on my laptop when Hubs came upstairs.

Hubs: What are you doing?

Me: Shopping.

Hubs: What do you need?

Me: It's what you need.

Hubs: Really, so what are you buying me?"
Me: A machete.

Hubs: What? Why?

Me: Because if that lawn doesn't dry out soon, you're going to need a machete to get through it.

And the miserable weather seemed to be never-ending.

Monday, Hubs comes into the kitchen, looks out the window and says "rain."

Tuesday, Hubs comes into the kitchen, looks out the window and says "rain."

Wednesday, Hubs comes into the kitchen, looks out the window and says "rain."

Thursday, I'm on the phone when Hubs comes into the kitchen, looks out the window and says "rain."

Me: Ugh, enough already, I know.

Marcee (on the phone): Who are you talking to?

Me: Apparently I'm married to either Nicholas Cage or Dustin Hoffman.

Marcee: Huh?
Me: I've either got The Weather Man or Rain Man here.

I've talked many times, basically every spring, to be exact, about the woodpeckers who peck holes in our chimney siding this time of year. Despite running outside scaring them away pretty much constantly, we still end up having to pay about $1500 each spring to have the siding replaced.

Our neighbor (we all have this issue) found out about something called cement siding boards. They look like wood and are painted to match the house, but they're cement so no woodpeckers. He's having them installed and now so are we, but the wait is about 2 weeks.

Meanwhile, as if we don't have enough problems, swallows have built a nest inside the hole in our siding that the woodpeckers have made. Just great. But . . .

Me: Want to hear the meaning of irony?
Hubs: Sure.

Me: The swallows are keeping the woodpeckers away.

A pendant light over our kitchen counter had burned out and, of course, Hubs wasn't home. He could reach it more easily, I had to try to change it balancing on the counter. Of course, while I'm trying to unscrew it, I'm talking to myself.

Of course, that's when Hubs walks in.

Hubs: What are you doing?

Me: Changing this light bulb.

Hubs: But why are you talking about underwear?
Me: I'm not. I'm saying that righty/lefty thing while unscrewing the bulb.

Hubs (laughing): That's not how it goes.

Me: Huh?

Hubs: It's "righty tighty," not "tighty whities." Tighty whities are underwear.

Well, that's embarrassing.

The next day I was placing an order online for some kitchen supplies, when I yelled up to Hubs.

Me: Hey, I'm placing an order for some kitchen towels and oven mitts.

Hubs: OK.

Me: Is there anything you need?

Hubs: Not than I can think of.

Me: So you're all good with tighty righty whities?

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Kung Pao Shrimp

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

2 TBSP oil

18 oz large, peeled and deveined shrimp

20 oz bag frozen stir fry vegetable mix, or you can use 2 - 3 cups chopped fresh vegetables of your choice

3/4 cup bottled Kung Pao sauce

1 TBSP sweet chili sauce

3 TBSP soy sauce

1/2 tsp sesame oil

OPT: serve with my Take-Out Style Brown Rice

Directions:
*Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium high heat until hot. Add the shrimp. Cook for 2 minutes, flip over and cook about another 2 minutes until completely cooked. Remove and keep warm.

*Add the vegetables to the pan skillet. Cook, stirring, about 3 minutes until the vegetables start to thaw.

*Whisk together the Kung Pao sauce, sweet chili sauce, soy sauce, and sesame oil and add to the skillet. Reduce the heat to medium and bring to a boil, continuing to stir.

*Once all the vegetables are coated with the sauce and the sauce has boiled for 2 - 3 minutes, add the shrimp back into the skillet. Cook, stirring, for another 2 minutes.  

Not How That Works: Fly on the Wall

 

Welcome to our monthly Fly on the Wall, a blog post written in snippets. Marcia, Diane, and I invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes, at our writing desks, and in our worlds. Come on in, buzz around, see what we've been up to. Bet you laugh! 

  

Hubs works mostly from home, only going into the office a few days a week. When he's here, there are times when I can talk to him, and other times when he's working on a client's account and can't talk. 

I'd called to him, but he let me know he was in the middle of working on an account, then had to take a zoom call. Since I told him I didn't need to talk to him that minute, he said he'd let me know when he had time to talk.

Later, he came to find me.

Me: Ummm. Well, clearly, I'm not getting enough exercise.

Hubs: That's what you wanted to tell me?
Me: No. I play 13 brain exercise word and number games every day, and I still can't remember what I wanted to talk to you about a couple of hours ago.

This is the month of April Fools Day. Of course, I had to play a trick on Hubs.

Me: April Fools!

Hubs: What do you mean April Fools? 

Me: I mean April Fools!

Hubs: But you already played an April Fools prank on me in March. You said you were trying to catch me off guard.

Me: And I did, but now it actually is April.

Hubs: But it's not April 1st, it's April 12th.

Me: Surprise!

 

 

Hubs was out doing errands when he called me:

Hubs: Guess what I just found out?
Me: What?
Hubs: I have the same birthday as Taylor Swift.

Me (kinda surprised that he even knows who she is): How did you find that out?

Hubs: I have a sports talk show on in the car, and they were talking about Travis Kelce, and then mentioned her, and somehow her birthday came up, and it's the same as mine.

Me: Oh. OK. Umm . . . congratulations?
Hubs: Well, I mean same day, not the same year.

Me: Well, thanks for clearing that up for me.

Hubs: I wonder if I'm related to her.

Me: I don't think that's how it works . . .

 

 

Hubs was eating breakfast when I looked over and started laughing. 

Hubs: What are you laughing at?

Me: That's not how that works.

Hubs: Eating breakfast?

Me: No, the mathematical concept of 100%.

Hubs: Huh?

Me: Read the large white writing on your juice label.

Hubs (reading): 100% juice. Apple. 

Me: Now read the hard to read, thin black writing below.

Hubs (straining to read): With added ingredients . . . yeah, I think you're right, I'm pretty sure that's not how 100% works.

Hubs had been working out in the front yard. He'd been out there quite a while so I decided to just check on him. 

On the way back in the house, I looked down at the front doormat, then turned around to call out to him.

Me: Don't you think this is a bit extreme?

Hubs: What?

Me: If you're hungry, no need to take a bite out of the doormat. Come on inside, I've got cake.

Black Cherry Cake

You all probably know by now that I take advantage of every opportunity to encourage my son to come visit. He spends a few weeks here at holiday time, and sometimes in the spring I get a week or two with him, but I miss him always.

It was his birthday recently. I wouldn't be able to talk to him until that night, but I did send him a happy birthday text with this picture:

PurDude: Thank you for the birthday wishes, but why did you send me a picture of the kitchen?

Me: It's a picture of the new microwave.

PurDude: Oh, that's nice.

Me: It's your birthday present. You should come try it out.

PurDude: Nice try, mom.

 

I often talk about mistakes I make while trying to text . . . let's say quicker than my efficiency allows. Sometimes I catch them, other times I'm embarrassed when the recipient points them out.

I, unfortunately, mostly make these mistakes when texting with my son, which we do each day. And it's a good thing I double checked before sending this one.

Let me just give you this piece of advice. When texting your son about someone being "down for the count" do not, I repeat, DO NOT, leave the "o" out of the word count.

I was watching one of my murder mystery shows, when Hubs comes into the den and sits down.

Hubs: What are you watching?
Me: A murder mystery, pretty much all I watch.

Hubs: Fact or fiction?
Me: This one is fact.

Hubs: Who got murdered?
Me: A bank manager. The police are gathering information. They got bank records, and cell phone records for both he and his wife.

As the detectives read through the wife's texts, they find one to her brother.

Cop (reading the text): Tonight. I have to kill him tonight.

Me (to Hubs): And you thought I was bad.

I wasn't feeling well, and by early evening I was worn out. I planned to gather everything I needed, put it all on the side table next to the couch, settle in on the couch in front of the TV for a few hours and not move.

I got everything together, settled in, and got comfortable. I reached over to get my tissue, and couldn't find it. On the side table was my water, acetaminophen, cough drops . . . no tissue.

I heard Hubs coming up from the man cave. When he hit the top of the stairs:

Me (angrily): What did you do with my tissue?
Hubs: {{blink, blink}}. 

Me: Well?

Hubs: I'm trying to figure out how to answer you.

Truth is, even after all these years, he still rarely knows how to answer me. Poor guy.

Hubs was out doing an errand and called me before coming home.

Hubs: I'm done with my errand and I'm right next door to the grocery store, do you need anything?

Me: Actually, I'm running really low on paper towels. I use Bounty.

Hubs comes home from the store:

Hubs: There were 2 kinds of Bounty. One is called Bounty Essentials and it costs about half of the regular Bounty paper towels. They say "strong, soft, affordable," is that what you wanted?

Me: Never heard of Essentials.

Hubs: Then I saved us a lot of money. You're welcome.

The next day:

Hubs: Did you try those paper towels I bought?

Me: Yes.

Hubs: How are they?

Me: I suppose they're OK, as long as . . .

Hubs: As long as what?
Me: As long as you don't need them to . . . you know . . . absorb anything.

 

Now click on the links below and see what my friends have to share:

Menopausal Mother 

On the Border

Blaxk Cherry Cake

                                                                       ©www.BakingInATornado.com

Printable Recipe

Ingredients:

1 box (15.25 oz) white cake mix

1 1/4 cups milk

1/2 cup oil

4 egg whites

1 container (5.3 oz) black cherry yogurt

1 box (.3 oz) sugar free black cherry jello powder, divided

1/3 cup frozen pitted black cherries

8 oz cream cheese, softened

3/4 stick butter, softened

3 cups powdered sugar

remaining 1 1/2 tsp jello powder

up to 3 TBSP milk

Directions:
*Defrost the cherries and chop. Pat dry and set aside.

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9 X 13 baking dish.

*Beat the cake mix, 1 1/4 cup milk, oil, egg whites, yogurt, and 2 tsp jello powder for 2 minutes. Fold in the chopped cherries.
*Pour evenly into the prepared pan and bake for about 35 minutes, until the center springs back to the touch. Cool completely.

*Beat the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Slowly, until incorporated, beat in the powdered sugar and remaining 1 1/2 tsp jello powder. Beat in the milk, 1 TBSP at a time, until the frosting is spreading consistency. 

*Spread the frosting on the cooled cake, decorate as desired.

*Store, covered, in refrigerator. Bring to room temperature for serving.